Studying for the bar is intense. So intense that you can lose yourself in it. While it should be your main focus, especially during the weeks leading up to the test itself, it shouldn’t be your only focus.
If you spend every waking moment studying for the bar or obsessing over how you should be studying for the bar, you aren’t going to do yourself any favors. It’s best to try to keep some sort of balance during this time. How can you do that? One way is by maintaining your relationships and leaning on those closest to you to help you through this challenging time.
So, how, exactly, do you do that? Here are four ways to keep those relationships strong to put yourself in the best headspace you can going into the exam:
1. Try to socialize a bit, even if it looks different than what you’re used to
One of the worst things you can do for yourself when studying for the bar is isolate yourself. It might be tempting to totally shut yourself off from the world for a month, but that’s not going to leave you in a good mental state.
Instead, try to socialize with your friends and family, but in a different way. Hanging out probably won’t look like what it usually does, but it’s important to still make time for it. Do whatever feels right for you, and let your friends know what you need.
Let’s say you’re used to getting drinks every weekend with your girlfriends (and sleeping in on Sunday, possibly nursing a hangover). If that doesn’t feel right to you to do during bar prep, tell them you can’t partake (right now), but you’d love to meet up for a morning coffee and walk. Your good friends will totally understand and want to be there for you however they can!
2. Plan some fun get-togethers for when the exam is over
Those same friends who will be understanding of what you need right now will also be excited to plan things when you’ve emerged from your study bubble! So use this time to plan some fun activities with them once the exam is over.
You don’t need to take a bar trip, but you do need to decompress when the bar is over. Doing so will give you something to look forward to and will help nurture your relationships in the interim.
(Pro tip: don’t plan anything for the night you finish the exam. If you’re feeling up to it, you can go for an impromptu dinner or drinks, but most people crash and want just one thing – sleep – the night after the exam.)
3. Ask for support
It’s normal to feel worried, stressed, or anxious (or any other range of emotions) when you’re studying for the bar. The worst thing you can do for yourself is to try to hide those feelings from your loved ones. You’ll do yourself a disservice by pretending you are fine when you’re not, or that you don’t need any support.
Most people will be happy to support you. But they need to know what you need, so share that with them. Do you need daily check-ins from your sister? One long phone call a week with your mom? A pep talk from your college roommate once in a while? Whatever it is, be sure to ask for it. People aren’t mind-readers, but they are happy to be there when you need them, so make sure you reach out if and when you do.
4. Don’t neglect the non-bar takers in your life
It can be easy to lean on your law school classmates and lawyer friends when you’re studying for the bar. It’s natural to want to commiserate and bond with those who know exactly what you’re going through! However, don’t surround yourself only with other bar-takers.
While not everyone taking the bar is stressed out, a high percentage certainly are. Not to mention that those studying for the bar tend to want to talk about one thing and one thing only – the bar exam. And that’s not always the kind of energy you want to be around or what you need the most.
That’s where hanging out with your friends and family who are not taking the bar can really help. They can offer you some perspective and sanity. Studying for the bar is stressful, and worrying over whether you will pass is natural. But there are things in life beyond the bar and sometimes it takes hanging out with those not studying for it to remember that.
Maintaining your relationships while you study can actually help you succeed
You’re under a lot of pressure when studying for the bar exam. Don’t add more stress to your life by letting the bar exam consume you to the point that you isolate yourself. Your loved ones are there to support you, so maintain those relationships and lean on them when you need to. They will be happy to help, and you’ll be happy you let them be there for you.
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